Sunday, April 17, 2011

Open letter to the universe

Dear Universe,

I am suffering from baby-fever, a common ailment, caused by a combination of hormonal imbalance, oxytocin, and insanity. I am completely capable of having a baby, however, there are a number of things that need to happen before I can comfortably allow more procreating.

1. Must get my next position, with a raise of 15-20%
2. Must find our apartment, which will be our permanent home base. I will not being moving from it again (unless we decide to buy, but I'm terrified of home ownership and hope not to buy, but this is another thing that I am perpetually flip flopping on, it's a whole 'nother blog post.) This apartment must meet several requirements;
a. No carpet, must have hardwood floors for the sake of all our allergies and the grossness factor.
b. Open floor plan, so we can actually have people over, hooray!
c. Dishwasher, no explanation required
d. Washer and dryer in the building
3. Tripp must graduate, should happen in December
4. Tripp must find a job in his new field, web development.

So, essentially all of the planets must align, before baby making can commence. I loved, LOVED, being pregnant. And since we are only going to have two children (which is two, too many for some, I realize), this is the last pregnancy I will have. So I want to relish every second of it. And don't want to agonize over finances or moving, or anything major we can deal with ahead of time.

When Sam is sleeping or being particularly adorable the baby fever flares up. When he is being an exhausted, non-napping terror, my ovaries shrivel up instead. My husband likes to say that I change my mind every week, but really, once Tripp is done with school and homework I will immediately require another baby. IMMEDIATELY.

It would be really nice if hormones could just be turned off when they aren't necessary.

So Universe, what I am asking is - please help me get that next gig, so I have only 3 more obstacles. Thank you.